WHY VETERANS DON’T LIKE V.A. HOSPITALS: DENTAL

    When we demobilized, they told us that we could get a free dental cleaning at the VA.  Me being a cheap bastard, of course I jumped on that shit right away.

    I showed up this morning, and my appointment was at 8:30 A.M.  For two and a half hours straight, some 26 year old college chick from West L.A. College was poking and scraping at my gums the whole time. 

    She was cool, but it definitely felt like she was a student.  Her teacher would come, poke around my mouth, tell her what she missed, and leave the room.  While she was working on me, her classmates would randomly come by and ask for polishers, scrapers, attachments, etc. 

    I wasn’t sure what kind of damage was being done in my mouth, but when it was all over I saw that the gum around my teeth was now loose, flappy, and bloody. 

    When eleven o’ clock came around, I told her that I had to leave.  I had to skip on the fluoride treatment because there was no time.  She didn’t even offer me any mouthwash. 

    I have nothing personal against that girl.  All I’m saying is that the VA is BRUTAL.

PENIS ENLARGEMENT

    Alright, lets be honest here.  Almost every fucking guy out there would kill for a bigger dick.  I know, I know, there are some of you freaks of nature, heroes, living gods, champions, saviors that have a good eight, nine, or ten fuckin’ inches.  You guys are the blessed.  You guys are the product of what most men fear in the gym locker rooms when it’s “full frontal” time.  But the rest of us guys would jump at the opportunity to go “bigger.” 

    So my point is …  what the fuck is up with all of these penis enlargement pills and products and shit that you hear on the radio, see online, on T.V., etc.  NONE OF THEM FUCKING WORK!  Of course they don’t.  Do you realize that if they did work, that society as we know it would fucking change?  The secret would be out, every fucking guy would swear by it and tell every guy they know.  That shit would be flying off of the shelves.  Men wouldn’t wear loose fitting clothes anymore.  They’d wear fuckin’ shorts, pants …  fuck it, SPANDEX to show off the upgrade in their fucking drawers!  Guys wouldn’t give a shit anymore.  Every guy at the bar and club would have his dick out.  There wouldn’t be any nice guys left.  Why be nice when you have a huge dick? 

    They said that it was non refundable. …  Assholes.

I CAN’T STAND: TRAFFIC

    When you’re driving on the right lane and some asshole that’s parked opens his car door all the fucking way, to the point that you almost fucking hit it.  What the fuck is wrong with these people? 
   
    People that don’t use their car signals.  I’m sorry, but that shit irks the fuck out of me. 

    People that text and drive.  I hate those fuckers.  Ninety-nine percent of the time when I’m driving behind some fucking slow ass bastard, when I pass them up and look at them, they are fucking looking down at their phones.  The other one percent of the time, they are Asian.  Feel free to crash and die, but don’t slow the rest of us down in the process. 

    Why is it that every time I’m in the slow fucking lane and switch to another lane, the lane that I was in now speeds up, and the lane that I switched to comes to a halt. 

    You ever notice that using your turn signal in L.A. actually makes it harder to switch lanes?  Especially during rush hour traffic.  It seems that when other cars know you want to get over, they fucking speed up to take whatever space is there.  And at the same time I hate people that don’t use their signals … go figure.

    Motherfuckers with the loud ass music.  Yes, I was young once, but fuckin’ A.  When I’m sitting down in my apartment drinking a hot cup of coffee, I can do without feeling and hearing everything in my apartment vibrate.

MORE GYM SHENANIGANS 10/25/2010

I went to grab my iPod from my locker.  There was a guy getting undressed that had the locker right next to mine.  When I arrived I purposely chose a locker away from the seating in hopes that no one would end up next to me.  Sure as shit, I had to deal with a naked guy again.  I took what I needed and left.

After my poor excuse for a workout, I returned to the locker room.  And what the fuck?!  That same motherfucker must've just got out of the shower because I turned the corner just in time to see him bending over to do his combo.

What kind of a strange fate IS this for me?  Is part of God's plan for me to put me in awkward situations where I'm either staring at some guys cold clammy ass cheeks or someone's greasy sausage fresh from a session on the treadmill? 

You have to realize that the alignment of the planets, every single thing that I did this morning to scratching my itchy anus, to pressing the button on my K-cup coffee maker, to walking in the gym locker room all configured my timing to see this guy butt-naked, twice. 

Very odd ... very odd, indeed. ...  My destinty is to look at other guys' cocks, balls, and assholes all day long.  Maybe I need to change my career choice.

OLD NAKED GUYS AT THE GYM

      Really ... what the fuck is going on here?  There's always some random naked old fucking fart in the gym locker room that is booty butt naked, walking around, and not giving a shit.  Not even wearing any fucking shower shoes.  What the fuck is up with that?  I went to wash my hands after my workout, and sure as shit, there's this old bald White dude that looks like George Washington, saggy clammy ass cheeks right in front of me, and he's washing his underwear in the fucking sink?!  Does something happen when you are over the age of 55 that you just truly don't give a shit about anything?  Unbelievable.

DRIVING AND JACKING OFF, THE NEW TREND

  Is it just me?  I recently heard that this has only been a phenomenon as of late.  I thought every guy did this.  I don't actually whip my dick out, I just "edge" through my pants a little and scream at the same time.  I do notice that when I'm enjoying it too much that I start to drive slower.  Maybe I should cut down.